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Contact Us

Our lines are open. Our inboxes, less so.

The BRAN Corporation welcomes inquiries from policymakers, journalists, academics, and members of the public who have strong opinions about office thermostat settings. We endeavor to respond to all correspondence within 5–7 business days, though we define "business day" somewhat liberally.

General Inquiries

For questions about our research, publication permissions, or why the building appears to be permanently closed on Google Maps, please write to:

Email: inquiries@notspies.org
Phone: +1 (555) 0142 — ext. 7
Please note: ext. 7 connects to a voicemail system that we check "regularly," where "regularly" means whenever someone remembers the password.

Media Inquiries

Members of the press seeking expert commentary on workplace phenomena, organizational absurdity, or the strategic implications of office snack policy are invited to contact our Director of Policy Communications:

Dr. Susan Memorandum
Director of Policy Communications
Email: media@notspies.org
Dr. Memorandum is available for on-the-record interviews, off-the-record briefings, and completely fabricated quotes attributed to "a senior BRAN official."

Research Collaboration

BRAN partners with academic institutions, government agencies, and organizations willing to admit that their internal processes could use some outside perspective. If you represent such an organization, or if you simply have data about meeting frequency that you believe the world needs to see, we would like to hear from you.

Email: research@notspies.org
Please include a brief description of the proposed collaboration and an honest assessment of how many meetings it would require.
Headquarters
Address BRAN Corporation
1776 Policy Circle, Suite 404
Washington, DC 20006
Hours Monday–Friday, 9:00 AM – 5:00 PM ET
(Closed on federal holidays and days when the espresso machine is broken)
Visitor Information

Visitors are welcome by appointment. Please allow 48 hours for security clearance processing, which consists primarily of verifying that you are not a management consultant. Street parking is available but contested. We recommend the metro.

Report a Workplace Absurdity

Observed something in your workplace that defies rational explanation? Our Research Intake Division accepts anonymous field reports at tips@notspies.org. All submissions are reviewed. The best ones are framed.