Careers at BRAN
Take unserious questions seriously
Working at the BRAN Corporation means joining a small team of researchers, writers, and analysts who believe that the gap between how organizations describe themselves and how they actually function is not merely amusing — it is a legitimate object of scholarly inquiry. We offer competitive compensation, generous leave policies, and an office kitchen that serves as a living laboratory.
Since absorbing the Uncertainty Department's portfolio, that inquiry now runs from break-room resource allocation to FOIA stonewalling and deniable-operations casework, on the theory that an institution which cannot account for its office snacks should not be trusted to account for much else, and vice versa. Both desks report through the same org chart. Only one of them has a security clearance requirement.
Your research will be read by tens of people, several of whom will forward it to colleagues with the note "this is literally us." Few careers offer this level of impact.
Comprehensive health coverage, 401(k) match, unlimited PTO (genuinely unlimited — we trust you, and also we lost the tracking spreadsheet), and first pick of the good snacks.
We have a strict no-buzzwords policy. Anyone who uses the phrase "move the needle" in a meeting owes the team lunch. The policy has been self-funding since week two.
Seeking a quantitative researcher to expand our pioneering work on meeting proliferation. The ideal candidate has a PhD in a relevant field, proficiency in statistical modeling, and the ability to sit through a two-hour meeting about meeting efficiency without visible irony. Experience with calendar system APIs preferred.
We are looking for a writer who can translate complex research on emoji geopolitics and Slack dynamics into prose that is simultaneously rigorous and readable. Must be comfortable adopting an institutional voice so convincing that readers cannot immediately determine whether the briefing is satirical. Active Slack user with strong opinions about custom emoji is a plus.
BRAN embeds researchers in partner organizations to conduct longitudinal observational studies of workplace culture. This role requires the ability to take detailed field notes while appearing to do something else entirely. Candidates should be comfortable in open-plan offices and capable of maintaining an expression of mild professional interest for extended periods.
Build and maintain the data infrastructure supporting BRAN's proprietary indices, including the Institutional Irony Index (III), the Bureaucratic Friction Coefficient (BFC), and the Narrative Resolution Expenditure Index (NREI). Must be proficient in Elixir, PostgreSQL, and the art of making obviously made-up numbers look authoritative in charts.
Assist senior researchers in the ongoing longitudinal study of communal food resource distribution. Responsibilities include monitoring break-room inventory levels, documenting refrigerator territorial disputes, and maintaining the Trail Mix Depletion Dashboard. Academic credit may be available depending on how generous your university's definition of 'research' is.
Draft, file, and track Freedom of Information Act requests across federal, state, and municipal entities, then produce consolidated status memoranda when those requests are neither confirmed, denied, nor located. Strong candidates have a demonstrated ability to describe a stray comma as the single most substantive artifact obtained across sixteen requests and mean it. Experience with referral cycles a plus.
Reconstruct proxy network typologies from residual records — fuel logs, scheduling data, contractor invoices — that no one thought to sanitize. The role requires comfort with institutional non-response as a data point rather than a dead end, and the patience to out-wait an informant network that does not yet know it has become one. Prior work with fusion centers, private-actor doctrine, or COINTELPRO-adjacent case law preferred.
Model the accrued Narrative Maintenance Debt of distributed information operations and project the point at which upkeep costs exceed the operation's original strategic value. Must be fluent in constructing rigorous-sounding indices from openly absurd premises, and comfortable presenting a five-year forecast with two stable attractor states and no recommended course of action. Reflexive-control awareness a strong plus, reflexive-control practice grounds for immediate review.
We accept unsolicited applications from anyone who has ever written a memo that was funnier than it was supposed to be. Send your CV and a cover letter explaining the most absurd workplace policy you've ever encountered.
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